Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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