foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
soo... how was my night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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