Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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