The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need moral support for this bender
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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