So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
