it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
