Life is so much better after having sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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