dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
