when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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