im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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