I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
