I need to stop coming to work sober
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm both gender and math confused
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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