I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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