Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
