It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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