I need help removing her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
