The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
