I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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