he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
