I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
