I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
