shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
