she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it glows. i had to have it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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