we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
