I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
