the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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