She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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