some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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