dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
