seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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