I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
