I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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