So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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