Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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