ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
