Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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