Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
