Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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