i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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