Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
