community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
