I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
