I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
