You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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