you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
