We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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