her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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