Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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