She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
