Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
