Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
