You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
