Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
