five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
