my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
