Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
