Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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