I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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