I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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