don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
