So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
