that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
