I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
did i just pee glitter
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
