I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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