Don't you send me to vm
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
