Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
