His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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