So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sext me about skeletons
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
