Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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